


Fannypack Kaspbrak and his Pack of Outlaws

by shrieky_noodles



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Western, Crack Treated Seriously, Why Did I Write This?, fannypack kaspbrak, i'm not even sure, just read it you might like it, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-14
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-12 09:21:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28758006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shrieky_noodles/pseuds/shrieky_noodles
Summary: that au where the losers club are bandits kinda except this is literal bullshit
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak & Stanley Uris, Eddie Kaspbrak & The Losers Club, The Losers Club & Stanley Uris, The Losers Club & The Losers Club (IT)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 1





	Fannypack Kaspbrak and his Pack of Outlaws

**Author's Note:**

> UHM
> 
> anyway this is unbetaed bs

the sound of squeaky shuffling and rattling can be heard.

several bar patrons turn to stare at the saloon doors, he enters, the doors haven't swung once since he doesn't quite reach the bottom, yet most everyone still stares in a mix of admiration and terror.

"i'll have the usual." he says, talking quickly and with intent. he nods to a table of five, sitting at a table in the back of the bar, as if signaling them.

the bartender, old mr keene, wipes down the tallest stool they have and gets to mixing, sweating nervously. around these parts they all know who this man is, and what he can do.

keene slides the thing down the table, and flinches when it's cast to the dirt covered floor.

"this is a gazebo! i want the real deal and i want it fast!" he scowls darkly as keene starts mixing a second, and glances down to where a curly ruffian by the name of stan, is sitting, obviously rather confused. the cowboy smirks, and says with flourish

"want a some free adderall? hand me my bifocals, they're in my second fanny pack."

"why do you have two fanny packs?" stanley pipes up, a bit sarcastically, unthreatened.

"you arent from around these part, are you? i'm not paying you to ask questions, kid."  
stan reaches over and pulls out the bifocals, handing them to the threatening 4'10 bandit, who in turn inspects his second inhaler with dedication. he then empties it in one puff, smashes it on the bar, makes sure he hasbt gotten any plastic splinters in his hands, and sidles away, raising his hand to push the door open and, and beckoning for the five others, previously seated, who follow him without hesitation.

"who was he?" stan asks madam keene, the town harlet and the bartender's niece.

she smirks harshly, and replies in a husky voice, "why, you should be thankin' your lucky stars that he didn't try and amputate you waist here and now."

"Mhm," another voice, this one coming from an oddly dilapidated birthday clown, "when you're around here for a while, you'll understand. now I hope you know to steer clear of fannypack kaspbrak and his pack of outlaws if you know what's good for ya." 

stan purses his lips, steels himself, and follows kaspbrak and his friends out the door.


End file.
